The Key to Surviving Bully Battles
By Dr. Jeanne King, Ph.D.
Have you ever found yourself at war even when you haven’t enlisted or been drafted for service? Sometimes bullies just fall into your lap and there you are in their battle…if you allow it.
The operative words here are “if you allow it.” Many people believe that when the bully shows up, it is time gather your weapons and come to battle.
Battling the Bully
They think that holding your own is about fighting back or, at a minimum, letting the bully know that they are bullying. So, they strategize their every move to gain an edge in the combat. And they plan out their dialogue to insure that the bully is completely informed of their bullish behavior.
Then, they sit back and the rounds of battle ensue…with the bully becoming meaner, more aggressive and unfortunately more violent. Their opponent, on the other hand, becomes aroused, frightened and consumed with intimidation, as they swing at the aggression of the bully.
How does this benefit the person on the receiving end of the bully battle? I’m not convinced it benefits them at all. To the contrary, it looks and feels like wasted energy and unnecessary wear and tear on them and their lives.
Empowering You Over Bully
The moment you publicly acknowledge the bullying, you empower it. You give it authenticity, energy and life. You entitle it to be as it is simply by titling it.
You infuse it with presence and in so doing you nourish it, all while creating the glue that attaches you to it. Before you know it you have enlisted yourself in battle.
If, on the other hand, you do not let on that you notice it (even when it has touched the core of your being) you fail to feed it. You leave it out there to dwindle without nourishment. You do not give it the energy it needs to sustain…and eventually it dies.
What lives in the context of this uninvited bully battle is YOU. Your energy is free to honor and respect your position, your life and yourself. Your actions are an extension of this honoring, which by the way are the opposite of the bully agenda. Internally, you win the war without even going to battle.
For Adults Only Encountering Bullies
If you are an adult acting on your own behalf, empower yourself over the bully by following the recommendation above. For younger people, it is always best to reach out to an adult for bully management.
Bullying is a form of dysfunctional interaction that you as an adult choose to participate in or not. For more information on abusive relationships, visit Dr Jeane King.
Dr. Jeanne King is a licensed psychologist and domestic abuse consultant. Feel free to contact us if you need help with physical and/or emotional pain, stress-related illnesses, or relationship abuse issues at home or in court.